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Tuesday, December 13, 2005

EUPHEMISM EXPRESS: So Colin Farrell, actor, has a bad back. For relief, he turns to prescription pain killers. He checks into the hospital, publicist cites "exhaustion." OK, so look: I understand what "heat exhaustion" is, having courted it while running too long and too hard on too hot a day. But what's this general malaise called "exhaustion" that now seems so pervasive in Hollywood? Another favorite: "Doctors said the actor was dehydrated." Could these conditions be related to being stoned for one too many 24-hour periods in a row — maybe? I think I'll try these on one of my editors next time I miss a deadline. As explanations go, they might be more persuasive than: "Well, see, I binged a lot this past week and I'm really, really tired. Could we agree to call it unforeseeable?" (Hat tip to the contemporary left for so many helpful hints about how not to be responsible for my own actions.)